A Band Story
by CodyRhodesFan
Summary: Ham masks? Check. Funeral for song? Check. Getting engaged in an ice hockey match with underwear down? Check. Bands used: HIM and Hollywood Undead! PURE HUMOR. SLASH.
1. Cum & Ham Masks

**I got this idea when I got this idea. I swear, when I kept on switching on from Hollywood Undead to HIM in mah stories, this just popped out and I loved it. I had to write it. I just hate that feeling! :3 This just popped into my head with scenes cutting into it. I just realized the stuff I can do with this thing, XD!**

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Title: A Band Story  
Rated: +18 – language; graphicness; pure humor; nobody dies (written by me, enough to shock one into a heart attack)  
Summary: Ham masks? Check. Funeral for song? Check. Getting engaged in an ice hockey match with underwear down? Check. Bands used: HIM and Hollywood Undead! PURE HUMOR. SLASH.  
Pairings used: pairings that are yet to be revealed. One should like a little mystery.  
Genre: Humor/General

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1 – Cum & Ham Masks

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"_**JEFFY!"**_

Matt's eyes were wide. Not again. No, no, no, no. Not again. He would not be responsible yet again for a mistake his brother made. "You did what?!"

Jeff pouted and looked down, kicking the dust with his sneaker, 'come on, Matty. It wasn't that bad."

Matt was wearing his band's black t-shirt, with the white writing that said _'Destiny Unveiled'_, the name of a band of him, Jeff, Adam, Mike and John Morrison. There was a design on the back of a cross between roses, knives and veins. He wore black pants and black boots. And on his second finger, he had a thick purple band for a ring. The rest all wore the same except for a few minor changes. Mike and Jeff wore skirts instead of pants and had tights underneath. Mike's ring was blue, Jeff's was green, Adam's was red and John's was gold. The music the band practiced was a mixture of glam metal, hard rock and extreme metal.

Mike's eyes widened. "You broke up a band?"

"_Two actually_, 'Jeff said without thinking then put a hand over soft pink glossed lips. To match the green on his ring, Jeff had electric green eye shadow on but his lips were coated with a warm peach color so that he didn't look washed out. Pink would've been too much with the explosion in the color of his eyes. Mike, on the other hand, had blue eyes so navy eye shadow would be too weird. He had simply swiped a soft pink shade of lipstick on his lips, covered by a clear gloss.

"Who?"

"I kinda talked to Bam…"

"Great. You made him think that he and Ville-"

"Yup." Jeff nodded his head before turning around. "I made him break up with Ville and get a better opportunity?" it was more of a question than an answer.

"Dammit, Jeff, people find out you're behind that and then we're history!" Adam said as he looked back at John Morrison who was staring at Jeff with wide eyes. "Go ahead, John, say something."

"…I like cupcakes." John grinned.

"We're glad he has his looks."

"Why?"

"Can I kill him?" Matt said then he turned to Jeff. "Then kill him too! What other band did you break up?"

"Deuce…from Hollywood Undead…I just bragged about the song he did on his own and how he really didn't need the band, that they were taking him for granted and out of nowhere, he quit the band!" Jeff said, his eyes wide.

"…Gee, that was so out of nowhere. I can't believe it. The guy lost his mind." Matt sarcastically stated. "Great, we're toast. Our careers are over. I don't wanna go back to working for a sandwich shop! …the uniform makes my ass look horrible!"

"This outfit isn't doing any good for you either," Jeff mumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?"

Jeff just innocently grinned. "That I'm lucky to have such an awesome forgiving brother that'll help me mend my mess back and make everything magical and perfect again!"

Matt glared at him. "You're fixing this on your own."

"…not a little help?"

"No."

"Can you at least wish me good luck?"

"No."

"I hate you."

"Great, I love you too! NOW, FIX THE MESS, JEFF!"

After an hour of waiting for Jeff in their trailer, Jeff stepped back in with a wide smile on his face, grinning as Hell. "I got ice cream."

"Did you fix the problem?"

"I got your favorite, Matty."

Matt raced towards Jeff's side and grabbed onto the cone before flipping back on the couch and biting into the ice cold ice cream and Jeff grinned to himself while he sat down and then Adam glared at him. "Jeff…"

"Well…"

Jeff leaned towards Adam's ear and then said what had happened.

"WHAT?!"

Jeff just stared at him.

"Bam Margera in Hollywood Undead?! Deuce in HIM? Are you fucking kidding me? You put a metal singer in an emo scream hip hop band?" Adam's eyes were wide with rage.

"I like purple!"

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"PREPARE TO FACE THE CANDY SWORD OF DEATH!"

"No! Not that! Anything but that!"

John cared way too much about his looks and the thought of candy made him shudder. Adam's eyes were wide, very serious and he made his way towards John while Matt lay, eating off ice cream.

Mike just looked at the ground. "I can't believe I live with these idiots."

* * *

"For the forty-seventh time…there is no 'baby' in my song!"

Ville glared a deadly glared at Deuce, who was lounging about in his chair, a camera in his hand, as always as Deuce watched Ville grip tightly onto his guitar, as if he was going to smash it over his head. Deuce just nodded his head. "And I don't wanna be seen with a gay prostitute but we all get our down sides, baby."

Ville looked like he was going to throw a tantrum.

"Hey, hey, baby, don't be sad. Someday, you'll be a beautiful gay prostitute, baby."

He was addicted to the word or something.

Deuce sat up straight, staring directly into Ville's face before they heard the sound of the door opening and Cody walked inside. Cody was in a band with Chris Jericho, Ted DiBiase and Phil Brooks. Cody wore purple clothing, Chris wore electric blue, Ted wore green and Phil wore black. It didn't matter what they wore as long as it was that specific color. The band they had was called '_Bright Unbright'. _Cody just stared at Ville than at Deuce. "Are you two twins?"

Deuce wasn't too different from Ville in Cody's eyes. He was sure as Hell as skinny as Ville. Maybe a few pounds fatter. Deuce had tattoos on both arms though. His hair was cropped short and had brown eyes that were now hid behind shades. Ville looked over at Deuce as he took off his shades to expose chocolate brown eyes. Then they looked back at Cody. "HIM!?" they pointed at each other.

Cody jumped back slightly, alarmed. "Where's Bam?"

Ville crossed his arms. "He didn't wanna me around me. Fine."

Deuce put an arm around Ville's shoulder and pulled him to him, nearly crushing him, 'yeah, baby! I get the emo prostitute right here! I'm wearing his pants too!"

Vile stared down at Deuce's—_his_—pants before his eyes widen. "Why are my pants wet?"

"Oh, baby, I was feeling a little horny so…"

Ville's eyes widened.

"_**NOT ON MY DESIGNER PANTS!!!"**_

Cody giggled. "Dude, you're dead!"

* * *

Charlie Scene just stared at Bam.

"You are not replacing our masks with ham."

"Hey, hey, you wanna be original now. You don't wanna seem like you're copying Slipknot!" Bam said, putting on a piece of ham onto Funny Man's face.

Charlie just sniggered. "I like this idea. Hey, where's Deuce?"

Bam grinned. "He quit, remember? I'm going to be your new Deuce…and I'm gonna fix this band."

Funny just glared at him as Charlie laughed his ass off. A slice of ham with holes poked near the eyes so that Funny can see. In the corner, J3T, or better known as just Johnny was looking into the mirror at the ham mask he adorned with mustard and ketchup in 'Fuck You's and the HU symbol before he turned around to face them. "I dunno…it's kinda soothing."

Bam grinned.

"This better get my money." Johnny said. He was in fact joking but the deepest and thickness of his voice made him sound very serious and solemn.

"I like him." Da Kurlzz said, grinning softly. "He's cute."

Bam sent a warning type of look. "He's my 'Ville Valo' of tonight. I'm so topping him."

Charlie playfully pushed Da Kurlzz. "See? We told you were a faggot."

Da Kurlzz frowned. "But-but-but-I don't like to be topped!"

From the straightened hair that looked like he spent ten hours just to perfect the flip to his very shy-like voice, Da Kurlzz was always teased for being gay. Da Kurlzz pouted as JDog walked into the room and then burst into laughter.

"Who's the idiot standing there?"

Bam glared at him. "On second thought, he needs to learn his lesson…"

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"_**With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness-"**_

"_**BABY!"**_

Ville just glared at him.

"I swear I'm gonna whack him with the guitar…"

Deuce grinned at him as Cody just giggled. The entire _'Bright Unbright'_ band was by the rehearsing area for the competition that was held. Best metal band or something. Cody just sat down while Ted started laughing. The thought of Deuce, one of the happiest people on Earth, along with Ville Valo… that was like a total win for him.

Deuce grinned then looked at Ville who was unimpressed.

"By the way, Ville…about your shirt…"

"What did you do this time?" Ville sighed.

"I kinda accidentally dropped it in the driveway…" Deuce said.

Ville walked towards the container and pulled out a flask, drinking from it while Deuce giggled to himself. "What now?" Ville wasn't clearly in the mood after Deuce had ruined another thirty-six rehearsals for him.

Ville sipped the flask again. "This is quite tasteful but has an odd taste…"

"Dude, you're drinking my jizz."

Ville spat out the white fluid from his mouth while Ted was toppling on the floor with laughter.

"God. Please, kill me."

"Classic emo guy, what can I say?"

__

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Matt had gone out for a little ice cream run, and came back to his trailer to hear a bunch of moans. He shuddered, trying to think of where to go.

He grinned.

Hey, he had no other option.

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"So…that's how the dinosaurs got wiped out?" Deuce asked.

"I think." Matt nodded his head.

**_"WOULD YOU GET TO BED ALREADY?!"_**

"…jeez, Ville. You don't let anyone have any fun."

"…Let me say this slowly: you don't wanna get out of here, you've been talking all day and it's three fucking three and I still can't sleep and you've been annoying me shitlessly all day."

"…"

"…"

"But I still don't get why there aren't baby dinosaur eggs."

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**Ville & Bam were probably OOC. Deuce I know I got him right. Da Kurlzz too. XD! **

**Hehe.**

**Anyways…**

**Review? XD!**

**I LOVE KASSY. :3. Have to add that. Hehe. 3  
**

**X Sam.**


	2. The Set

**Hehe. :3 I like this fic, XD!**

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2 – The Set

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"No, no, no, no!"

"…can you let me explain?"

"No!"

"Ville…" Deuce was being glared at by Ville and they were on the set, nobody besides them were there.

"I can make them better!"

"…I don't want you turn my precious love metal into something so-"

"No, no, no!" Deuce started to pitch in, grinning, 'I want to do videos and stuff for it! Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?"

"_UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"Yo, look at the two chicks! Deuce, couldn't you do better?!" Johnny 3 Tears made his way towards them, grinning like Hell. In his hand, he had a cuff and Deuce looked it, grabbing onto it. "Why are you walking around with a cuff?"

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Bam doesn't know us by name. I told him I was in jail. He gave me this."

Deuce laughed. "Dude, so now 'you're the one who went to jail?'

"Imagine Charlie. He's making him carry around a beer everywhere he goes."

"Not shocking of Charlie to do. What's he making Da Kurlzz do?"

"…wear a thong."

Deuce just burst into laughter. "JDog?"

"He brought him a leash!"

"This is priceless!" Deuce didn't want to question why he didn't just remember them by their masks but he didn't want to break the mood as he looked back from Ville to Johnny and then he cuffed them both together.

Ville and Johnny stared at each other then at Deuce.

"Annoying bitch. Imma kill you!" Johnny exclaimed, grabbing onto Deuce as he tried to catch him but Deuce ran off. Johnny didn't even bother thinking before he ran off, rushing after the other guy, dragging Ville behind him.

Deuce's laughter erupted through the air.

"Stop. Stop. Stop!" Ville tried to stop Johnny by his arm but that was no use. Hell, if anything, he was just tiring himself out.

Johnny looked down at Ville. "Who's the chick?"

"Him? I got him for $5 instead of Da Kurlzz."

"HEY!" as if on cue, Da Kurlzz, along with Bam, had entered towards the set, Bam exploding with laughter at the sight of Ville trapped along with… that jail guy. Da Kurlzz was just staring down at him before he ran towards Ville and hid behind him. "Save me."

Bam looked at Ville. "In all my life, I never thought I'd find anyone girlier than you, man but this…this takes the cake!"

Da Kurlzz whimpered. "HE HURT ME!"

"I did not! He's just making stuff up!"

"You did! You did! You did! I'm telling Johnny!"

"Faggot," Johnny breathed in Da Kurlzz's ear, making his eyes prick with tears.

"Everyone wants to make me unhappy."

Ville looked at Da Kurlzz than at Bam than back at the supposedly perky black haired male, 'I like him."

"That's a first." Deuce pitched in.

"HELLO, EVERYONE!"

'_Destiny Unveiled'_ had entered inside. Jeff skipped, his skirt flying to show his lacy underwear and he walked towards the two bands. "Everything alright in here?"

Deuce pointed to the cuffs. "Ville and Johnny are getting married."

Bam twitched a bit. "Yeah?"

Ville looked at Johnny than back at Deuce. "YOU, YOU ARE NOT RUINING MY ACT!"

Deuce went over there to hug him, nearly crushing him, 'see? We're the bestest of bestest of friends! We even share pants and underwear right now! The little whore is giving me tips on which angle is best to be fucked at! Ha! That's right, baby!"

Jeff giggled. "Bam?"

Bam just nodded his head. "I love the band."

"Well, he's a better manager than Shady Jeff, 'Johnny said, then looked over at Da Kurlzz who was shaking his head, his purple thong peering from his low-rise jeans. "Damn, Kurlzz, you really got something back there!"

"HE HURT ME!"

"Damn, what a baby." Jeff giggled.

Matt stared at Jeff before starting to laugh, bursting and erupting into complete laughter. "Says Jeffro, the biggest baby in the world…that must mean something, right?"

Jeff pouted. "HEY, MATTY!"

"See?"

Da Kurlzz pouted. "You guys aren't nice, you know, assholes."

"The baby learned a new word!" Johnny perked in and Da Kurlzz ran off, looking as if he was going to cry as Jeff grinned at Ville. "So, Ville, how's your act coming? Did you practice enough?"

"Only twenty-two times. I never made it to the end 'cause-"

Deuce just grabbed onto Ville's shoulders and crushed his lips towards Ville's.

Ville tried to pull off but Deuce kept his grip firm before leaning away, breathlessly, 'damn, bitch. That's your 'not kissing' kiss?"

Ville glared at him.

Deuce whispered something in Jeff's ear.

"If he knows that he really messed up, he's gonna throw the biggest tantrum of all…trust me, it's so ugly even Johnny here shudders at the mere thought of it, so play along!" Deuce whispered before turning to Jeff and grinning.

Ville sighed. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Doing what?" Jeff heard, his going-to-pout look was crumpling to form itself.

Deuce wrapped his arms around Ville, 'that he has such an awesome buddy to help him with the videos and editing right now!"

Ville's eyes widened but he nodded his head anyways. Ville leaned towards Deuce's ear, 'why not? You already took away everything."

"Good to hear, baby."

"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" Jeff was jumping up and down before looking at Matt. "See, Matty?! I didn't mess up!"

* * *

Deuce was about to go towards the Hollywood Undead trailer to see how much of a mess they were and then as he looked through the trailer, he let out a gasp. They were fine…and happy…no, he was supposed to make the band better…but it seemed so much better without him. So many smiles.

Deuce turned around, his smile had disappeared.

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"_I'm supposed to be the one who brings us all together/Weak or strong, not just a song/We sing along when things go wrong/You will need me when you fall/And I will need you when I'm wrong/Tears lead me on/They let me lead you so far/Weak or strong, I'll hold your arm…"_

Ville just watched as Deuce played the chorus, then he flipped around his guitar, sighing softly.

He was going to regret this but he sat down anyways. Half of the cuff was still around Ville since they had to burn it into melting at the centre so they'd be freed. Ville sat down and watched as Deuce stared down, pouting.

"What?"

Deuce looked back at Ville. "They're all happy without me."

"Who?"

"My band."

Deuce stared down at Ville's cuff and started laughing while Ville glared. "Do you want this supposed to be compassionate moment or not?"

"…yeah, yeah, I do."

Deuce grinned as he started to try and speak. "You know, I'm the one who puts in most work in the band, I just thought that because I'm gone, everything will fall apart, people will learn their lesson…"

"So let me get this straight: you want your band to break?"

"Do I?"

Silence roamed.

"I'm craving some ice cream right now…"

Deuce put his guitar down and walked off.

Ville raised his eyebrow. "What just happened?"

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**XP! Dramatic moment had been broken! XD!**

**X Sam.**


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